Puberty Life in the ANBU
by Lady Eden Death
Summary: What most people forget is that when Uchiha Itachi was in the ANBU, he was just entering puberty. These are some of the incidents he experienced.
1. Chapter 1

Puberty Life in the Anbu

_Incident Number One_

"Hey, Uchiha-san, how'd you like to fuck her?" the bunny-masked Anbu member asked.

Itachi looked over at the waitress through his own mask, watching her every movement. She did not try once to cover her large, shapely breasts as she bent over to pick up another customer's empty plate. The thirteen-year old shifted in his seat. Puberty wasn't something he wanted brought up. And sex? That always led to them asking if his balls had dropped yet, his stature, and many other questions he found personal. He returned his attention to his teammate.

"Since when did you talk about sex so much, Hasaka-san?"

The other snorted out a laugh, took a sip of his drink, then said, "Since your mom got on her knees and sucked my dick."

"…" Itachi drummed his fingers on the table, keeping them as far from any weapons as possible. "Say that again, and I will remove it."

Hasaka stiffened. "Sh-shit. If your balls had dropped, you'd understand. Your mom is hot."

His genitals were saved thanks to Hatake Kakashi's entrance. "Yo, Uchiha-kun."

"…" Itachi stood and left from the bar.

Once home, the eldest son of Fugaku stopped when he noticed his mother standing by the oven. She was up late; it wasn't natural. Mikoto acknowledged her son's presence with a soft hum. She was waiting for the cookies to finish baking. Itachi asked who they were for, and the woman shrugged.

"Mother…" She turned at last, blinking. Her child was acting quite strange lately. "Are they for Hasaka?"

"Why would they be for him?" she asked with a laugh. He said nothing more, choosing instead to walk out of the kitchen and head for bed.

_Incident Number Two_

Kakashi sat beside Itachi, both men holding onto empty sake glasses. Naturally, they would have poured more for one another had the pitcher not been empty. The mission had been long--well, four days long. Nothing impressive when compared with a few others they had shared. What made this one take the cake, however, was the annoying woman they had been paired up with. After every attempt to get into both their pants, she would complain about how horny she was.

Currently said female was pouting, sitting across from them. "Itachi-kun," she purred. "You should fuck me. Weasel your way right into me"

"Come now, Yuubi-san," Kakashi said. "He's only thirteen."

"Old enough to drink, old enough to--"

Itachi cut her off with a drunken chuckle. He waved his empty cup in the middle of the table. "I need more to make you look pretty."

Yuubi let out a feral growl, pushed herself roughly away from them, and stomped out of the bar. Kakashi, meanwhile, smiled and put a hand on the young Uchiha's shoulder. "I like you."

_Incident Number Three_

"Tomorrow's Sasuke's birthday," Itachi told Hasaka, who frowned and sipped his drink. "He asked me about sex."

"Shit, how'd he hear about that?" Hasaka was stunned. Kids in Konoha were normally oblivious to these things until later in life. Usually until they had their first mission outside of the Hidden Village of Leaf.

Itachi narrowed his eyes. "You."

"Well… For my birthday, Itachi-san," the man started, trying to change the subject, "you already know what I want."

The Uchiha's hand inched towards his kunai pouch. Kakashi's sudden appearance caused him to pause. "Yo. Sorry I'm late. I got lost on the road to life…"

"No, I think you're just in time," Hasaka said with a grin in Itachi's direction.

-1-1-1-1-1-1-

Well, if you guys want, I can write more. Just a few random blurbs. Fun, fun.


	2. Chapter 2

Puberty Life in the ANBU

Incident Number Four

Itachi had come home early from a mission and, because it was still in the dead of night, slipped into his room with the stealth of a ninja—Fugaku expected nothing less of his eldest son. Still in uniform, the Uchiha sat on the edge of his bed. He recalled where the mission had led his team; into a brothel of one of the other villages. There were attractive men and women in there, clothed in such delicate ways. It had caused him to rethink his entire life—sexually.

Sighing, he pulled at the hem of his pants, and withdrew his swollen member. He then let out an uncharacteristic gasp—loud, but not too loud; he was an elite shinobi. Sasuke, on his way back from the bathroom, had poked his head in. "Nii-san, you're home."

Itachi was thankful for the darkness, thankful of the boy's naivety. "A-ah. Yeah." Sasuke smiled then, sleepily, and left back to bed. The elder brother looked down at his lap, at his now limp-member. Being caught was, as Hasaka so often said, a real boner killer.

Incident Number Five

Kakashi sat beside the Uchiha teenager outside the Hokage's office. The village elders had called an abrupt meeting, and so the moment when they would be given orders had been delayed. Which had been just fine for Kakashi, a good forty-five minutes late anyhow. The remainder of the waiting period, the man had his new book to read. If only those brown, curious eyes had not been glued to the book's cover.

With a sigh, Kakashi decided it was best to share the reasons he was reading a book that had such a cover—a man and woman frolicking merrily, though in a not-so-innocent way. "Well, it does have sex in it, Itachi-san. But, it mostly revolves around a hero who wants to change the world."

Those curious eyes disappeared for a brief moment; Itachi blinked then looked at the other man's face, which was covered for the most part. "Kakashi-sempai, do you read the…scenes…while fighting?"

"The sex?"

"A-ah…yes."

The man looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well…sometimes." Itachi looked into his lap. "Though I try not to. That's not the tool a shinobi uses in a fight, you know?"

"Y-yeah."

Kakashi chuckled a bit and placed a hand on the teen's back. "Relax. I'll let you borrow a copy, you'll see." Itachi took a deep, ragged breath, and did not reply.

Incident Number Six

Post mission, Yuubi was attempting to climb in his lap once more. Itachi moved awkwardly to the side, thwarting her plans to straddle his waist. She pouted, but remained persistent. Hands groping at him; he swatted those away. Eyebrows waggling in a suggestive manner; Itachi frowned. Finally she whined, loudly.

"Yuubi-san—" he began, cut off immediately by a moan.

"Mmm…Itachi-kun, you have such a deep voice. I could almost cum with that alone."

The Uchiha, blushing lightly, blinked. "That's not becoming of a shinobi. To be influenced so easily…"

Yuubi sighed and withdrew her form. "Wow…you really need to loosen up, Itachi-kun. Here, I'll help you." She lowered the straps on her shirt, exposing her shoulders and more cleavage. "Well?"

Polite enough to watch his elder, Itachi cocked his head to the side. "Well…Hana-chan's are bigger." That was the first time Yuubi slapped him across the face and stormed out angrily, huffing and puffing. Itachi did his best to hide the bulge in his pants once she was gone. He stayed long enough to have a drink with Kakashi, who was late as always.

-1-1-1-

Once again short, but ah well. Hopefully they're a bit funny. Awkward but funny. I'm always up for suggestions about awkward moments by the way!


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